My Father.

Last night as I was headed to bed when my brother gave me a call. I thought it was an unusual time to be calling but didn't think anything of it... That is, but until I immediately listened to his voice mail. He said, "Hi Jenny, Dad is in the Hospital..." I didn't even listen to the rest as I was in shock. It was late and I needed to rest.

It was 5:48am this morning when my mind began to race again. What happened? I remember I sent a couple text messages before I headed to bed. This morning I saw the responses, "Dad had a stroke" "Dad had a heart attack" "Dad collapsed and he's in the hospital.". It was reality and I'm still in shock. I tried to go about my morning. I was headed into work early to get the rest of my work done. Oh work.

As I pulled into my work's parking slot, I took a deep breath in and out. I could do this, I had to do this, I have to keep busy... I went in clocked in and sat at my desk, ready to start my routine (deep breathes in and out) and then my coworker came to ask me how my morning was going. All I could really do is respond honestly and I burst into tears. I was trying so hard to keep busy and be strong, sooner or later everyone wS asking me... I was jittery and couldn't concentrate. And my boss kindly sent me home.

When I got home, it was quiet. I sent a text to my husband and changed back into home clothes. I laid on the couch for two hours before realizing how hungry I was. I sat at the dinner table and called my brother and cried. My dad is in the hospital, back in my home state of California (as I'm 740 miles away from home), in an induced state of coma, sleeping in hopes of recovery and there's nothing I can really do.

The rest of my day went as followed:
- Finally ate something, instant noodle soup to be exact.
- Sat quietly contemplating about Life.
- Talked to my eldest sister (for 2 hours, trying to lighten the mood).
- Vacuumed the Abode.
- Laid down, quietly reading a book until the hubby got home.
- Hubby came home and I began to cry again.
- We sat for a good hour I'd say talking. Well, me talking about my dad and life...
- Tried to take a nap.
- My brother and sister called to update me on my dad's status.
- Finally exhausted myself and napped for a half hour.
- Cooked Curry Dinner with the hubby and ate.
- Watched a bit of TV.
- Bed by 8pm...

And here I lay, typing this up on my phone. I just had to document, to share, to explain. I've been worried and crying all day... And now I just want to feel hopeful. Hopeful that might dad will fight his way through. He's not ready to go... I'm not ready for him to go. God please hear my prayers.

My Dad is expected to be awoken tomorrow, he needs a heart defibrillator to live better.

Update soon......